My Gonzo Monologs

Truth
Image by Leonard John Matthews via Flickr

Just another entry into my Gonzo Monologues…. (to dispel these thoughts is to bring clarity to mind, release of weight upon the heart and pull me further out of this season of breaking)

To find the strength….That statement alone speaks fluidly throughout my veins keeping this structure of muscle and bone from giving way to the overbearing weight of sadness that has found its way in my heart.  In so few words I’ve come undone yet my stubborn spirit won’t allow this unwieldy council of sullied dreams and ill favored thoughts to win over this engagement of spiritual promotion and emotional yearning. For many years I’ve lived in darkened times…surround by life, promise and happiness….A harlequin’s game I fell for…so deep within the spell…everything touched, seen, tasted, felt titillated my very senses yet all so empty, dead and retched to a cognizant mind…

Now in an awakened state…Truth has risen and reigns in my kingdom with a sword fierce and unrelenting… I find myself fixed on its glory and although it burns my sight and ignites my heart with such a pain I know I must not turn a cheek, I must not move nor collapse for the answers I seek will come with a just swing and I will be released from this emptiness and my sorrow cut away… I’ll find myself internally humbled as my past screams TRADER! and my future bears the flag of Truth laying all the answers sought, exposed and written before me…

It’s times like today when the weight fills my being and the emptiness in my heart echoes so deeply that it mimics starvation and I find my soul crying out and my spirit somber…for what has come is well deserved and this hunger felt cannot be fed…It just comes with the territory… and no search will satisfy what is desired, Truth has struck that heavy blow time and time again. Casual acquaintances and cheeky laughter just reaffirms my hollow cries and fuels my starvation…. Their conversations and warm smiles fade like the dust drifting in a dream…

My hunger allows patience for Truth to intervene and the convolution of muscle tension, pain and delirium are comforting in that it’s the only thing that makes it feel worth it and the purpose of Truth so clear pushing me to trust and believe. Knowing that this is merely a condition I must have faith even when my darkness is shinning….the voice of Truth I shall follow even when this pain becomes blinding…I must have faith even when my darkness is shinning…..to have faith in myself is to have faith in TRUTH….to overcome there shall be no dividing…

TRUTH

αλήθεια

אמת

…信実

Shí Huà

… حق

 …to overcome there shall be no dividing

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11 thoughts on “My Gonzo Monologs

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